Neupogen Injections (or, "How to make your husband prove he loves you, one injection at a time")

For size
Originally uploaded by meredithk02

Mmm, delicious caramelly Neopogen injections.

Here's what goes on with these (http://www.neupogen.com/pi.html):

Ken takes the needle out of the fridge about an hour ahead of time. It's optional to store it on top of delicious caramel marshmallows for motivation.



Ken warms it in his hand about ten minutes before injection time to let it get closer to body temperature.



Then swabs a fatty area with an alcohol wipe, counts to three, pokes the needle in, then slowly plunges it in. It only stings a little. I take Vicodin or Tylenol the following day to help with the bone pain.

Port scar, after six days

IMG_0512
Originally uploaded by meredithk02

In case anyone was wondering what they look like. No pain, but the scar is a little lumpy. The wire itself under the skin feels uncomfortable and spooky if I touch it, so I try not to! In case my Halloween costume this year doesn't work out, I'm going as "inexplicably-scarred-chest-lady." The mastectomy scars will really be the part that wows everyone. ;-)

Things NOT to say to someone with cancer

fatty
Originally uploaded by meredithk02

1. You're so lucky you caught it early. (Lucky! THAT'S the word I was looking for. I kept getting stuck on "my life is shitty.")
2. At least you're young. (Yes, it sucks for all those old people that have it. I sure showed them! or, if I'm feeling mean, Actually, the odds of surviving are lower when you're younger. Oh well)
3. My [fill-in-the-blank-relative] had it. And died. (I usually pause here to see if he or she will backtrack. Often not)
4. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help (really nice sentiment, but I'm too overwhelmed to come up with specifics).
5. Do they know WHY you got it? (Sadly, too much buttsex. If only we'd known)
6. Wow, most people your age don't have to deal with this.* (Only us "lucky" ones!)


Things I'd much rather hear:

1. I'm going to go buy you some chocolate.
2. That's really shitty.
3. What kind of chocolate should I buy you?
4. Here is an enormous bouquet of flowers. (Bonus points if these come to the office instead of my apartment where they'd be eaten and regurgitated by my cats).

I know most people are just asking the questions that come naturally, but asking someone with cancer why they think she got it can come off as really rude. Not quite as bad as asking someone with lung cancer if he or she smoked, but there's definitely a tinge of trying to find an explanation for why *this* person got cancer and you didn't, as if that'll protect you. Sometimes people just get cancer, without living near Chernobyl, having daily X-rays, a family history, eating Corn-Nuts all day, or having a mutant third boob.

*This one came from an oncology nurse. Srsly.

First day of chemo

IMG_0507
Originally uploaded by meredithk02

Here's the first day of chemo. We got there about 11 am (I got a late appointment so I could sleep in), went through some explanations, saline, steroids, anti-nausea drugs, and then the adriamycin and cytoxan. We finally left around 2ish.

Of course, a little shopping therapy...I got this bed jacket in emerald http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=31009992, so I could have something soft and comfy that would still give access to the port.

My little side-eye is due to the ickiness of the ice chips. I shouldn't complain, because they do have them there for you free, but they tasted pretty industrial, and when everything is going to tasty metallic and or slimy, fresh mountain spring ice chips would be better.

The red stuff going in there is the adriamycin (red kool-aid). It makes you pee orangey-red for a few days. Charming, right?

I'm awfully glad I had the port put in, even if it was a little sore. Compared to my sad arm bruises after the tests last week, a little soreness from the port is just fine.

Mastectomy Day (or, adios boobs!)

I had the bilateral mastectomy September 8th. I didn't have large breasts until my late teens, so I wasn't that attached to them. Emotionally attached, I mean...they were plenty physically attached! I went in for surgery September 8th planning to have a lat-flap transplant with implants (where they take some fat and muscle from your back and use it to cover a smaller silicone implant). Unfortunately, one of the sentinel nodes had cancerous cells, so the doctors canceled the reconstruction and closed me up with a skin-sparing mastectomy. All this time I'd been getting the worst diagnosis (not a cyst...not a fibroadenoma...cancer...grade 3...) that I figured I was due for some relatively good news at this stage: "The operation was great, and your new boobs will be amazing!" instead of "There was some cancer, so we weren't able to do the reconstruction." Ever wonder what a skin-sparing mastectomy looks like? Not particularly pretty.

The start of the shitty story

This summer, after seeing an adorable new niece and a friend about to have her first child, Ken and I got the baby bug. I'm 28 and we've been married for 7.5 years, so it's not as if anyone would have been shocked. Being overly responsibly, I made an appointment with my primary care physician to get all that womanly stuff checked out, then figured I'd go from there...eating a little better, exercising, using less meth (kidding on that last one).

While she was doing the exam, she found a lump in my right breast. Now, if you've read the blog's title, you probably have an idea where this is going, but humor me. Dr. said that at my age, it's almost certainly a cyst, but since it was right behind the nipple, that a surgeon should drain it before I get pregnant.

So I go to the surgeon, who says that it's not a cyst (and I get to see "it" under the ultrasound), but at my age it's almost certainly a fibroadenoma. I make an appointment to get it taken out, my only worry that it will take a few days to heal. Surgery goes fine, I'm healing up, then I get the call: cancer. All the baby-preparation mindwork goes out the window. Seriously? Cancer? I'm 28. That was Monday, August 17th.