Things NOT to say to someone with cancer

fatty
Originally uploaded by meredithk02

1. You're so lucky you caught it early. (Lucky! THAT'S the word I was looking for. I kept getting stuck on "my life is shitty.")
2. At least you're young. (Yes, it sucks for all those old people that have it. I sure showed them! or, if I'm feeling mean, Actually, the odds of surviving are lower when you're younger. Oh well)
3. My [fill-in-the-blank-relative] had it. And died. (I usually pause here to see if he or she will backtrack. Often not)
4. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help (really nice sentiment, but I'm too overwhelmed to come up with specifics).
5. Do they know WHY you got it? (Sadly, too much buttsex. If only we'd known)
6. Wow, most people your age don't have to deal with this.* (Only us "lucky" ones!)


Things I'd much rather hear:

1. I'm going to go buy you some chocolate.
2. That's really shitty.
3. What kind of chocolate should I buy you?
4. Here is an enormous bouquet of flowers. (Bonus points if these come to the office instead of my apartment where they'd be eaten and regurgitated by my cats).

I know most people are just asking the questions that come naturally, but asking someone with cancer why they think she got it can come off as really rude. Not quite as bad as asking someone with lung cancer if he or she smoked, but there's definitely a tinge of trying to find an explanation for why *this* person got cancer and you didn't, as if that'll protect you. Sometimes people just get cancer, without living near Chernobyl, having daily X-rays, a family history, eating Corn-Nuts all day, or having a mutant third boob.

*This one came from an oncology nurse. Srsly.